From My Heart

From My Heart

Monday, December 30, 2013

TRUST...2014

TRUST (trst) n.
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one.
b. One in which confidence is placed.
5. Reliance on something in the future; hope.
TRUST v.
1. To have or place reliance; depend: Trust in the Lord. Trust to destiny.
2. To be confident; hope.
(definitions from www.thefreedictionary.com)
 Synonyms for TRUST: confidence, faith
 
According to www.answers.yahoo.com the KJV Bible says the word TRUST 181 times.
 
It was just a few days into the month of December that the thought of a new word or verse for the upcoming new year began to creep into my mind. There have been so many times this year that I have clung to Psalm 105:4, Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him., that I was not ready to replace it with something new, the year still had several weeks left and I wanted to used every last day with my verse to the fullest; so immediately I pushed the thought out of my mind. This continued for a few days until I finally put my foot down with God and told Him I was not ready for a new word or verse so He just needed to hold off!!
 
On December 16, 2013 I was doing some CHRISTmas shopping, when a checkbook cover caught my eye. I had been looking for a new checkbook cover for some time now. As I picked it up I noticed it had a small silver plate on the front with a word engraved on it, my first thought is it says hope or faith just like most things. It said TRUST. I was so surprised that I almost dropped it! A feeling I cannot describe came over me and I knew instantly TRUST was my word for 2014, then Proverbs 3:5-6, TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths, pops into my mind, but my stubborn self once again said God I am not ready for a new word. (I bought the checkbook cover by the way!) :) The very next day my sister-in-law and I were walking through the mall. We turned a corner and I am staring straight at a sign that says TRUST in the Lord...Really God, did you not hear me!? From that point on it seemed like every where I turned, every song I heard, every verse I read, everything was about TRUST. So I gave in and I accepted my new word and verse for the coming year!
 
I just could not understand why God was giving me this word. There have been so many times that God has called me to step out of my comfort zone and I do (after lots of debating) but I always end up doing it! Why this word?! Honestly I was a little offended to think God thought I do not TRUST Him! As I thought about the word God began to reveal areas of my life that are lacking in TRUST, places where my faith is weak, places that I tend to keep hidden and buried, things that I do not like to deal with. All of these began to surface over the next few days and I realized I wanted to control and fix and bandage and hide and I could not do it. Things that I thought were okay, were not; things that I thought I had dealt with I had not; places I thought I trusted God I did not. I felt as if my world was spinning out of control and the only way to stop it was to grab onto this offensive little word and hold on with all my might!! So that is exactly what I did. I began to repeat Proverbs 3:5-6 over and over. I made a choice to say I TRUST you God with our bank account; I TRUST you with my husband; I TRUST you with my kids; I TRUST you with the election; I TRUST you with my hearts desires; I TRUST you when every thing within me is coming unraveled by fear, hurt and uncertainty; I TRUST you with every part of me, my life, my family, my future. I TRUST YOU.
 
Each time I choose to say I TRUST you God, the pounding in my heart is lessened, the turning in my stomach subsides, the worries in my head become less. Every time I open my word and spend time in God's presence my TRUST grows and every thing else shrinks. I am so guilty of missing what today holds because I am already planning tomorrow or next week or next year, but I have started to notice that maybe I do this because I do not TRUST God enough to just enjoy this moment. Every year when I get my "word of the year" I tend to think oh no what does this mean I am going to have to deal with this time, what hardships am I going to face that I need this word. These thoughts immediately began to resonate in my mind again this time. I let them fester for a few days, but as I sit here pouring my non-trusting self out to all of you I realize I do not need to look to the year in advance instead I need to TRUST God with what today holds until tomorrow arrives.
 
I do not know what tomorrow holds but I know who holds tomorrow... so I will TRUST God with today.
 
Happy New Year!!
 
God Bless,
Denissa  
 
 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Zambia Mission Trip Day 9- Monze, Zambia

June 27, 2013

Daily Scripture (exactly as it was sent): Until God opens the next door...praise him in the hallway!
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ... Give THANKS in all circumstances; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus.

This morning we went to Pastor Kapapa's house to do some plumbing work. The guys got his family a toilet plumbed inside their house! :)

We then went back to Simukale Village to feed and play with the kids. I would've taken every kid out there a pb&j sandwich but I was told it just wasn't possible! We did take extra and give to the cooks though. They said they were nice (so they liked them)! They love trying American food. Grace took some candy (sweets is what they call it) to give to the kids- she got mobbed and Miss Gaylene had to save her. Pastor Kapapa's kids came with us today. I think Grace liked having them there because they speak English and Tonga. One girl, named Veronica, followed Grace every where, she is 13 and speaks good English also. We were told she needs a sponsor and Grace said she would like for us to sponsor her. A sponsor helps pay for the child's meal each day, their school fees and medical expenses. I was drawn to a 4 year old boy named Jhalem. His smile out shined the sun! He is an ornery little guy- perhaps that's why I was so taken by him! He is also needing a sponsor. Every one loved to have their picture taken and then see it on our cameras. When I pull out my picture album that I brought of our friends and family they all pile on top of one another just to get a glimpse. As little as each one has they still have an unspeakable joy! It truly is amazing!! When you give them something they take it, they do not say I don't like that color or flavor. They always want more of every thing but are also happy to share- no matter how big or small the amount. It is very dry here, very dusty and dirty. Many do not have homes so they build fires to keep them warm at night. There is also a very heavy smoke smell at all times. It really does make me realize how blessed we are. Again today my eyes filled with tears as we hugged and said good-bye. Grace's friend Veronica, asked if we will be back next year. I pray by the grace of God we are able to return. I cannot wait to bring Justice and Hartly, as I looked into the precious eyes of these kids I longed for JC and Hartly to be here with us, learning and loving- some day soon!! A day and a half was just not enough time but for whatever reason it is what God wanted and for that reason I am okay. Grace also told me that she wants to come back again next summer! My heart already aches knowing we will not see them tomorrow.

Until our next trip I will praise Him in the hallway!!

Plumbing

Grace and Veronica

Jhalem and Me

Grace showing her pictures from home.

If you would like more information on becoming a sponsor for a child please visit www.luyando.org.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Zambia Mission Trip Day 8- Monze, Zambia

June 26, 2013

Daily Scripture text (exactly as it was sent): But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Amen!!!! Isaiah 40:31 NLT Have a blessed day!

When we got to Monze we checked into our motel-Southern Comfort- not like any motel I've ever seen- had one room huts with grass roofs- yes they were quite cute! (The British say quite a lot so I think I might have picked up on it!-Giggle :)-) OK...Then we headed straight to the village of Simikale. We visited a school there and worked with Luyando Kids Club. They cook a meal and feed some of the kids. Before the bus even stopped the kids were crowding the bus! They are fascinated by Americans!! We immediately started helping wash dishes and pump water. We were able to play games with the kids and love on them. Every single one is so precious!! We met kids as young as 4 years up to 13 years, and a few little babies. There were ladies there that cook the meal every day. Today they had nshima, cabbage and sausage. We were able to eat with them. Talking to Kelsey (founder of Luyando KC) I found out this meal is the kids only meal, for most, of the day. Not all of the kids eat because Luyando is christian based and their parents are a different religion- called Seventh Day Adventist- so their children are not allowed to eat the food because it is made by Christians, even if there is no food at home. I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks! Number 1- This was quite possibly their ONLY MEAL and number 2- Some kids had to watch the other kids eat and do without the ONLY MEAL they would have a chance to eat that day because of their religion!! As hungry as I was and as good as the food tasted, I could not bring myself to eat my bowl of food. Every bite I would take tears would stream down my face. I had already had one meal today and I had a bag full of snacks in my room and here I sit with a bowl full of food that one of those babies could be eating. I told Gaylene I wanted to give my food to the kids; she told me I could set my bowl on the ground next to them and after I walked away they would take it and eat it or even take it home so the rest of their family could eat. So that's what I did.

I think of the many times I have prayed- God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Today is the day He answered my prayer! My heart is broken in more ways than I could ever put down on this paper!

I am so proud of Grace also. She has walked through every hardship, same as the adults and teenagers and has yet to whine or cry. She has eaten everything put in front of her (well tasted it at least!), enjoyed every obstacle and loved on those kids like Jesus would have. The kids love her and she has loved them back wholeheartedly!

We have only been here half a day and I already do not want to leave. Tears ran down my cheeks as I got back on the bus. I cannot wait to see what the rest of the week holds in store for us. God is good!!



 



Zambia Mission Trip Days 6 & 7- Traveling

June 24-25, 2013

Daily Scripture (June 24) (typed exactly as it was sent): HAPPY MONDAY :)! The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17 Have a blessed day!

Daily Scripture (June 25) (typed exactly as it was sent): Sometimes bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before. GOD is good.... Have a wonderful Tuesday! Love you

We arrived at the airport early today- did not want to miss our flight (giggle)! When we went to get our tickets we found out the airline canceled our flight! NOT JOKING!!! At this point we were saying OK GOD?! There was another flight leaving an hour after when ours was supposed to leave and they just happen to have enough seats for the 12 of us! YEA GOD!! We flew eleven hours to Johannesburg, ran through customs and the airport there so we would not miss our next flight since we left late! Then another 2 1/2 hours to Lusaka, then we stayed the night there. The next morning we rode a bus to Monze. Yes I was heavily sedated for nearly two straight days and remember very little, BUT I did not get sick! Praise God!! :)

Welcome to Zambia!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Zambia Mission Trip Day 5- London

June 23, 2013

(No daily scripture on the weekends)

We had another day of touring. Today Gaylene, Rusty, Cade, Cody, Grace and I went to Windsor. We toured the Windsor Castle. It was quite fabulous! I enjoyed this part of London more than the other. It was more laid back- not as much hustle and bustle. They have cobblestone streets and pubs every where. It was a little romantic! Maybe someday Cody and I will come back and visit a nice little bed and breakfast.

We leave tomorrow for Johannesburg then on to Zambia. I absolutely CANNOT WAIT to get my hands on those precious babies!! I am a little sad that our days in the village have been cut short but I do know that it is all in God's hands and is not without cause!

Oh yes- we also found out Pastor Kappapa forgot to reserve our bus tickets to get us from Lusaka to Monze, so if we had left London when we planned then we would not have had a ride...hmmm another God thing!?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Zambia Mission Trip Day 4- London

June 22, 2013

(No daily scripture on the weekend)

Today was a good day! The weather here is amazing! It is cool and misty most of the day, the wind blows and it can get pretty chilly. We went into London again and walked through town. Grace rode the London Eye with Jeanne, Katrina, Kailey and David. We did not have as many people ask about our shirts today but we all noticed people reading them. I pray that each one goes home and googles I am Second. It was a very nice and relaxing day thankfully!

We were able to call home and check on the other two kids tonight. They sounded good! I have missed their sweet voices and Hartly's precious giggle. We are so blessed that we have family to help us. I am ready for a good nights rest and to see what tomorrow will hold. Praise God for another blessed day! I am clinging to Jesus!







Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Zambia Misson Trip Day 3- London

June 21, 2013

Daily Scripture (typed exactly like it was sent): Philippians 4:6 says don't worry about anything, instead PRAY about everything. Tell God what you need: and thank him for what he has done. AMEN! So stay the course. Keep believing!! You may be tired, discouraged and frustrated but don't give up... OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! Happy Friday... Have a wonderful weekend!

(I am getting glory bumps just typing this and remembering what all we encountered that day! (Grin))

We spent the night in the airport. I laid down in 2 hard plastic chairs and crashed. When I woke up I noticed people around Grace and me (she was asleep with her feet at my head in the next two chairs). I went around to get my glasses on the other side of the chairs from where we were sleeping. I slipped my glasses on, I looked up and the very first thing I saw was a girl dressed in black pants, with a black hoodie, with the hood on her head, with dark eyes, looking at me from under her hood. The stare and blankness in her eyes made me gasp and look away. I walked over to Cody, and he told me that he had been up all night because that girl and another girl and some guys had been hovering around Grace and me. He thought they were trying to steal my phone, and saw them actually touch Grace's ipod. One of the girls even slept on the floor under the chairs I was sleeping in! I went to the bathroom to freshen up, while in there I thought why would someone do that?! I IMMEDIATELY felt the Holy Spirit say "There is evil all around you." Then the face of that girl flashed into my head followed by other small demon like people wearing black hoodies over their faces. I remember when Cody was telling me what happened I turned and looked at her again and she was still staring at me with the same look and she never took her eyes off of us. I started praying for God's angels to surround our entire group and for His safety and guidance. I shared my thoughts with Gaylene before I left the restroom. When I went back to where we "camped out" one girl had moved from the floor and was in the chair across from Grace (I never saw this one's face it was covered every time I looked at her), the other with the evil stare was laying down where I had slept, in the same position I was sleeping in. I could feel such a heaviness around us that I felt like I was suffocating! I went to Grace, she was still sleeping, and began to pray God's protection over her; Cody saw me and joined in agreement with me. I told Cody we must move NOW. I woke Grace up, we gathered our group and we moved. Gaylene told me that she was suddenly woken up by pain in her calves; it felt as if someone/something was grabbing them and twisting her muscles. She could physically see the knots being pulled on her calves (and she had finger-like bruises on her legs later that day!) The enemy was certainly lurking in our presence. I am not sure that I have ever seen the enemy in such a way or felt it as I did this morning!

Even though Gaylene was woken up by the enemy attacks she also had a clear direction from God as to what we should do. We decided to change our flights to Monday so that we could stay together. As I write these words on these pages I am sitting in the hotel lobby waiting on our rooms to be available. Everyone is asleep in the lobby except Gaylene, Jeanne, Rusty and myself. I forgot to write something that happened late last night- We went to the only open store in the airport to get food because we had not eaten since about 2pm, the guy checking us out asked David about our shirts (I am Second). When David explained it to him he did not step away as if we were lepers, instead he was fascinated by our mission, and boldness. Later Cody went back to the store, and he once again checked him out, he saw Cody's I am Second bracelet, and ASKED Cody if he could have it to wear!! Cody gladly gave it away! That encounter made the entire days mis-happenings worth it. Thank you God!!

We were told that we had to claim our luggage before we left or it would be destroyed. So Gaylene, Rusty, David, Jeanne, Kailey and myself went through security to get it. As we were waiting to be escorted to the baggage claim I was standing by an airport worker (she was actually standing behind me) I noticed her when we walked into the room, she was smiling and I thought she had a glow about her but I did not notice that she was behind me after we went through the scanner thing. She said to me (behind my back) "You are on a mission." It was NOT a question she was asking- it was a statement! I thought Gaylene had already talked to her and told her; later I asked Gaylene and she said no she had not talked to her or told anyone what we were there for (in fact she said she never even saw the lady!)! I said to her "Yes we are.", then she asked where we were going next, I told her and then said "God must have had a different plan for us" and she did not respond, just smiled. As we turned to leave that area she stepped around the corner and yelled "I'll see you in Heaven!" That statement surprised me! As I journal about this now, hours later, the image of her face peeking around the corner pops back into my mind. As I was sharing this encounter with the kids in the taxi, on the way to the hotel, JT says, "What if she was an angel!?" We all believe that she was sent from God to assure us HE IS IN CONTROL! When we got to baggage claim they told us that all of our luggage was in storage and could stay there, and it would not be destroyed, except David's three bags were on the carousel already. David was the only person that did not pack an extra set of clothes in his carry-on (GRIN). God knows and is SO good!! We found David's bags and headed to the hotel. Since our rooms were not ready yet we decided to eat at the hotel buffet. As I was going to get my plate our waiter stopped me and asked "I am first since you are second?" Again God was using our shirts! I said "No, actually God is first and you and I are second." He asked if we are Christians because he was Roman Catholic, I said "well actually we are not either, we are Jesus." I got a funny look on that one (giggle)! He then asked if I would pray for him. That made me excited (maybe too excited!), I said "right now!" but he said no and asked if I would just remember him when I pray. His name is Kevin and he has loans that need to be paid off.
Father, I know that you are faithful and will provide for Kevin. You are a generous, loving, giving God, and I thank you for that. I pray that Kevin will grow in his relationship with you, and come to know you on a whole new level. I pray that he will always remember he is second to you. I pray, and plead the blood of Jesus over Kevin and his finances. In Jesus most holy name- Amen.
Kevin never came back to our table after that but as I sat and ate I could hear the Holy Spirit telling me to give him my I am Second bracelet. I kept looking for him so I could but I never could find him. As I got up to leave, he approached me again (confirmation?! I think YES!!) and said "please remember me in your prayers.". I asked him, "If I give you this bracelet will you wear it?", he said "Yes! Yes! Of course I will!". WOW!!! Thank you God! (grin)

We received some much needed rest today- in all aspects. Tomorrow our only plan is to go into the city, and wear our shirts, and to be Jesus. We are trusting Him to send us where He wants us to go. We, as a team, are growing closer and trusting each other more. I am ever so thankful for our heavenly Father's voice of discernment, and the strength He has provided each of us. Psalm 105:4 is unfolding before me as I trust in Him, and search for His strength continually, like never before. I praise my Father God for that! We close this day with a peace that I have not felt yet on this trip until today. I have so many things to be worshipful for, and ever so humble and thankful. I lay my head down to rest ever so thankful and excited to see what tomorrow shall bring.

I stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gives it all. I stand, my soul Lord, to you surrendered. All I am is Yours!


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Zambia Mission Trip Day 2- London

June 20, 2013

Daily Scripture (typed exactly as it was sent!):
Good morning!! Scripture for the day...Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let NOTHING move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. Amen! 1 Corinthians 15:58
Second text that day: Annnd...Quote of the day. "Do not ask God to guide your steps if you are not willing to move your feet." Ouch! That one got me a littel bit... :)

It has been a LONG 2 days!! Lots of time on the plane. Lots of motion sickness. We took an open top bus tour around London today. London is fabulous, so much beautiful architecture and amazing history. We all wore our "I am Second" shirts and I am amazed at how many people here have no idea what it means. I pray that a seed has been planted in each heart that has asked "Who is first?"

We were late getting back to the airport and missed our flight (security check-in) by minutes. I got sick in the taxi on the way to the airport. I do not remember the last time that I was so sick from traveling- it has been awhile and I hope it is awhile before I am again. We got our tickets moved to the next flight out (a hour after the first) but the group went to get our backpacks out of the locker (I stayed behind because I was still sick) and they wouldn't let us on that flight either (through security). It has been a hectic, crazy day, filled with moments of intense stress, but we know God is in charge! I have NO doubt that God did not want us on those airplanes. When we missed the first flight we found out that Rusty, Cade, Cody, Grace and Kailey were originally on the 2nd flight with Shelby. I find it odd that our ticket itinerary did not show the three of us split up but the airline did. I'll hand that one to the enemy- he tried to split us up but God is bigger than that and He stepped in and crushed the enemies attempts. We see the enemy lurking and trying to defeat us but we know our strength is from the Lord and thankfully the Lord ALWAYS wins! We will possibly leave tomorrow but again the flights are split, 6 on each flight. We are praying and trusting God right now.

 





Zambia Bound Day 1

The weekend before we left for Zambia I worked a Women's Walk to Emmaus, one of our walk traditions is that a member of the prayer team sends a text message to each team member telling them the verse of the day and which team member to pray for that day, this happens every day leading up to the walk and after the walk is over the messages stop...usually...

Our plane was scheduled to leave at 3:30 on June 19, 2 days after the walk ended, at 8:12 that morning I received a text from the lady sending out the walk texts, this is what it said: GOOD MORNING!!!! I feel lead to continue to send out the morning text :) if you would like to be removed from the list for any reason just please text me and let me know. Scripture of the day...1 Chronicles 16:11...Search for the Lord and all his strength; continually seek him.

My first thought was I need to text her to stop the texts since we are going to be gone and we will get charged for them, but I really will miss not getting them. My next thought was Hey! that's the same wording, different verse reference, of my scripture for this year, Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him. Psalm 105:4. Okay God... Then I continued on with what I was doing at the time. When we arrived at Dallas airport it crossed my mind again to stop the texts but I really felt something telling me not to. I can look back now and see it was the Holy Spirit telling me not to because God was going to use every single text every day we were gone!

I kept a journal while we were gone and I have decided to share my journal entries with you on my blog. I have had so may people ask about our time away, and to be honest I cannot just give you a quick, couple minutes answer, I could go on for hours telling you everything that happened and everything God did during our time away, so I thought this would be the best way to share our experiences. I will also be sharing the verse that I received via text each day so that you can see how God worked through people that didn't even know He was working through them! :)

I hope you enjoy my next few blogs!! :)

God Bless,
Denissa

Grace's first time to fly!! (Leaving Lubbock)

The plane we took to London.

Leaving Dallas headed to London. She loves flying!!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Dirt...

"Dirt is dirt and we've all got it no matter where we come from. I'm not sure Christ sees one kind of dirt as dirtier than the other. One thing is for sure: His blood is able to bleach any stain left by any kind of dirt." Beth Moore

I saw this quote on my facebook page last week. I read it and then read it again and then I wrote it down. As I continued to reread it the memory of me washing the kids hands in Zambia came to mind. My three kids love to play outside, especially at my parents house out in the country, and they can get all kinds of dirty when they are out there all day. The kids in Zambia are no different, in fact they are probably more dirty than my kids. When it came time to eat in the village the kids would line up to have their hands washed. I was given a bar of soap and one by one I rubbed their precious little, dirty hands with that bar of soap. Then someone else would rinse their hands by pouring a pitcher of water over them. It never mattered how dirty their hands were the soap and water cleaned all of the dirt off every time.

Some people might say that Zambian dirt is different than Texas dirt, and it might have a different texture even, but dirt is dirt no matter which side of the world you are on. Christ looks at those Zambian babies the same as He looks at my babies; He looks at all people the same. The soap in America may be different than the soap in Zambia but both still do the same thing, clean. The same Jesus that loves Americans loves Zambians. The same blood of Christ that was shed for Americans was also shed for Zambians. That same blood bleaches all of us the same way no matter what kind of dirt is on our skin, there is not a better type of dirt or sin, they are all the same in Christ's eyes.

Even though I have used Americans and Zambians in my thoughts it is not limited to just those people, in fact there is no limit on Jesus' blood for anyone.

God Bless,
Denissa

www.luyando.org

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The "Y" in My Path

"YOUR will God, NOT mine!!"

That's easy to say when things are going good and you're in a happy place BUT when things are getting tough or God actually tells us ok then do this... and it's something we don't want to do or are not comfortable doing, it's not so easy then.

This was me weeks ago! I was in a happy place and every thing was going smooth and I liked how things were. Then on a Sunday afternoon I received a phone call from a friend and she asked me to do something that I did not want to do. She asked me to step out on faith and let God work in me and through me to reach others. My heart started pounding, I got tears in my eyes and I really wanted to shout NO NO NO, I CANNOT DO THAT!!! I knew that was what I wanted and not what God wanted though so I came to that point in the road where God actually took me up on what I say to Him each day.

Sometimes when we say some thing we don't always mean it, or we mean it but on our terms or with our stipulations. It's called CONTROL!!! I like for things to be in MY control!! But when we have a relationship with God we have to come to a point where we realize we are not in control, God is, yes we have a choice to let Him actually take control or not. If we choose to not give Him control then maybe we don't really have a relationship with Him after all!?

So here I stand at a "Y" in the road...I have a choice to make...GOD...or...MYSELF... I would love to say a huge, beaming smile jumped onto my face and I very excitedly said yes but that's not how it all went down. I did say yes (because I was recently asked if I could say no to God and no I cannot), but it was more like I threw myself down on the floor, kicked and screamed for what seemed like an eternity and with fear in my head and tears in my eyes I said yes to God.

It took a few days, ok actually weeks, to see the strength that God instilled in me to get His job done, not my job but HIS job. I heard evil voices telling me I could not do, I was going to be ridiculed, my family was going to be gossiped about, our future was going to be ripped out from under my entire family and it would all be my fault!! But louder than those voices in the softest, sweetest whisper I could hear His voice telling me I will not call you to do something so that I can watch you fail, keep your eyes, heart and mind on me and you will succeed, I will protect you from the words spoken by others and they will answer for it not you, I hold your future NOT man!!!

At the same time that this battle was raging inside of me our pastor, and even a guest speaker, preached for a few weeks on being broken for God, hmm God's timing is perfect. That's when it hit me, because of this war I was fighting I left that special place of being broken for God. I quit saying YOUR will God, not mine. I was no longer broken, in fact I was taking what was once broken pieces that I laid down for God's glory and was picking them up and building walls around my heart with them so that nothing and no one could get in, not even God!!! I think back to how hard I was working to put those walls up and how good a job I thought I did and one gentle breath from my precious, heavenly Father and all that remains of those walls is rubble! He is an amazing God!!!

His strength was inside me the whole time! I walked away from Him but He never left me. I now am at peace with what God has called me to do. I have returned back to that special room where only God and myself are welcome. You know you have a room just like mine, all you have to do is choose to open the door and see what awaits you inside. It will not disappoint, it will not always be easy, it will not always be fun but God will always be inside!!

So here I sit, telling you about my weaknesses, my stumbling blocks, thanking God that I no longer have to work so hard at building walls that I do not want around me. If you are reading this and wondering if you are the one that put these words on this page then let me say to you God will fight for you, you need only to be still and listen to His words of love and encouragement. His strength is inside you also!

Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him. Psalm 105:4

"YOUR will God, NOT mine!!!"

God bless,
Denissa