"YOUR will God, NOT mine!!"
That's easy to say when things are going good and you're in a happy place BUT when things are getting tough or God actually tells us ok then do this... and it's something we don't want to do or are not comfortable doing, it's not so easy then.
This was me weeks ago! I was in a happy place and every thing was going smooth and I liked how things were. Then on a Sunday afternoon I received a phone call from a friend and she asked me to do something that I did not want to do. She asked me to step out on faith and let God work in me and through me to reach others. My heart started pounding, I got tears in my eyes and I really wanted to shout NO NO NO, I CANNOT DO THAT!!! I knew that was what I wanted and not what God wanted though so I came to that point in the road where God actually took me up on what I say to Him each day.
Sometimes when we say some thing we don't always mean it, or we mean it but on our terms or with our stipulations. It's called CONTROL!!! I like for things to be in MY control!! But when we have a relationship with God we have to come to a point where we realize we are not in control, God is, yes we have a choice to let Him actually take control or not. If we choose to not give Him control then maybe we don't really have a relationship with Him after all!?
So here I stand at a "Y" in the road...I have a choice to make...GOD...or...MYSELF... I would love to say a huge, beaming smile jumped onto my face and I very excitedly said yes but that's not how it all went down. I did say yes (because I was recently asked if I could say no to God and no I cannot), but it was more like I threw myself down on the floor, kicked and screamed for what seemed like an eternity and with fear in my head and tears in my eyes I said yes to God.
It took a few days, ok actually weeks, to see the strength that God instilled in me to get His job done, not my job but HIS job. I heard evil voices telling me I could not do, I was going to be ridiculed, my family was going to be gossiped about, our future was going to be ripped out from under my entire family and it would all be my fault!! But louder than those voices in the softest, sweetest whisper I could hear His voice telling me I will not call you to do something so that I can watch you fail, keep your eyes, heart and mind on me and you will succeed, I will protect you from the words spoken by others and they will answer for it not you, I hold your future NOT man!!!
At the same time that this battle was raging inside of me our pastor, and even a guest speaker, preached for a few weeks on being broken for God, hmm God's timing is perfect. That's when it hit me, because of this war I was fighting I left that special place of being broken for God. I quit saying YOUR will God, not mine. I was no longer broken, in fact I was taking what was once broken pieces that I laid down for God's glory and was picking them up and building walls around my heart with them so that nothing and no one could get in, not even God!!! I think back to how hard I was working to put those walls up and how good a job I thought I did and one gentle breath from my precious, heavenly Father and all that remains of those walls is rubble! He is an amazing God!!!
His strength was inside me the whole time! I walked away from Him but He never left me. I now am at peace with what God has called me to do. I have returned back to that special room where only God and myself are welcome. You know you have a room just like mine, all you have to do is choose to open the door and see what awaits you inside. It will not disappoint, it will not always be easy, it will not always be fun but God will always be inside!!
So here I sit, telling you about my weaknesses, my stumbling blocks, thanking God that I no longer have to work so hard at building walls that I do not want around me. If you are reading this and wondering if you are the one that put these words on this page then let me say to you God will fight for you, you need only to be still and listen to His words of love and encouragement. His strength is inside you also!
Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him. Psalm 105:4
"YOUR will God, NOT mine!!!"