I am a planner. I like to know when, what and where. I want to know what is going to happen and at what time so that I can be prepared. I am so much of a planner that when I am going to a meeting or having a confrontation with someone I plan out our conversation in my head. I know, call me crazy, but this is a fact about my personality!
I went to a meeting this week with a group of women to plan something. I was not the leader, just an attendee. I had spoke with the leader of the pack prior to the meeting and she had asked me to do something, so being the planner that I am, I had my game plan ready in time for the meeting.
At the meeting we are discussing and planning and throwing ideas around the table. The task I was asked to do finally came up (and I was excited because like I said I already had the WHOLE conversation planned out!) but then the conversation veered off of my path quickly. This was my reaction...WHAT??!! NO!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED!!! The rest of the meeting I could not think straight, I was shaking, my heart was pounding and I seriously wanted to throw-up!!! I was asked to something I did not want to do!!
With out going into too much detail, the meeting was about planning a teen girls conference with other churches in Brownfield. I had already told God what I was going to do and how. I told myself that it was what God wanted because I prayed about it and this is what came into my head immediately. Boy did He SMASH my plans into smithereens!!!
This is the conclusion I have come to... I can throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming or I can do what God has called me to do, be faithful to His plan. This was a tough decision, I really wanted to throw a fit like my 2 year old often does, and I will admit I was mad and pouted for almost a day! But now that I have had some time to talk to God, well, actually LISTEN to God I see that His way is the best way. I am not 100% confident that I can do what He is calling me to do but I know as long as I keep my eyes and ears tuned into what He wants then I will some how be able to climb this mountain that has come into my path.
Now that the dust has settled and I can see things a little more clearly I realize I have been in a place of comfort, I get up each day and spend time with my heavenly Father and I daily ask for His guidance and I pray over my husband and kids and others that He lays on my heart, but there is not really anything that has got me out of my comfort zone lately. We need that more often than not. If we never get out of our comfort zone then eventually we will loose the need to seek God's guidance and counsel, we will become self efficient and then when we are blindsided we may forget where to turn. God needs to keep us on our toes, He needs us to need Him!! God is our maker and He knows every fear, He knows when we feel inadequate or unworthy. That is how I was feeling, that is why I did not want to do what I was asked; that is when I heard the sweet whispers of God's majestic voice saying to me "I will make you worthy, trust me beloved!"
We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-13 NLT
All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. 2 Corinthians 3:18 MSG