The next few days are very hazy. I remember sitting at a friends house listening to JC's parents, my family, some other families and his closest friends planning his funeral. I felt like I wanted to die. I was so angry and hurt and hopeless and devastated. That was the longest and worst weekend of my entire life!!! I believe now that the fact that God had a plan for my life is the only reason I did not curl up and die because for the first time in my life I felt like I did not deserve to live. JC was a good person, he was tenderhearted, he was caring, he was respectful, he loved to do things for others, he was a hard worker, he loved life, he wanted to live life to the fullest. He was a cowboy who loved his horse. He loved his family and friends unconditionally. I thought if God could take such a good person from this world who were you and I to still be here!!! I hated people I didn't even know, just because they were alive and JC wasn't!!! During this season I was not a good person.
Every day for the remainder of that school year as soon as the dismissal bell rang I would get in my car and drive to the cemetery and sit and cry and talk to JC and tell God how angry I was with Him.
This year will be 13 years that JC passed. He enters my thoughts on a weekly basis. We have our own JC and he reminds me so much of both of his namesakes, JC and Clint. I am no longer angry with God, although I don't think I will ever understand why He took JC so soon. I still feel sad around this time of year, infact, Valentine's day is my least favorite holiday, I would just assume pass over the entire month of February altogether!
|Jeremy ~ JC|
|Justice Clint ~ JC|