From My Heart

From My Heart

Monday, January 23, 2012

Grace

Since Grace's birthday was a couple weekends ago I am going to dedicate this week's post to her!!! In my last post I shared a little about how she became so today I want to tell you a story about her but first I decided to google the word grace, here are a few things I came across that really hit home for me:
Grace is the only thing that gives us power to stand
Grace is a free gift
a special favor: privilege
These three statements sum up our Grace but today I am going to focus on the first statement: Grace is the only thing that gives us power to stand.

In December 2005, Grace was 2 almost 3 when I had a miscarriage. Grace was my reason for living during these weeks and months that followed. When I look back now I truly believe if not for Grace I literally would have laid in bed and mourned myself to death. She was the only reason that I got out of bed in the morning. I am not trying to take anything away from Cody, he is my husband and I love him but during this season of my life I knew he could manage without me but Grace, on the other hand, relied on me for everything because I was her provider during the day. If it wasn't for the fact that she wouldn't eat or drink that day if I didn't get up and do it then I wouldn't have gotten up. It wasn't my lowest point in life but it was definitely one of them!

I remember one day we had been somewhere, we had just pulled up to the house and for some reason I started to to cry again. I don't remember what would set off my tears but I remember it seemed like that's all I did. It was just the two of us and I remember laying my head against the steering wheel and crying uncontrollably and then all of a sudden Grace says "Mommy, Jesus is holding our baby in his arms right now." When I looked back at her all I could see was the peace of God surrounding her and I remember picturing Jesus holding our unborn baby in his arms at that very moment! I know Grace did not completely understand the entire situation and she for sure did not understand what I was going through but in that moment none of that mattered. She did not know what I needed but God did and He knew the only way to get through to me was to use Grace to do it. Through her God gave me power to stand and to get through the rest of that day and the next and then week and then month and then months until I felt like I could function and live again.

Grace is everything opposite of me and some days are a huge struggle when it comes to us getting along but I try my best to remember that season in my life when I got my strength from her each day. I get busy and I often forget that she is a special favor to us from God, she was my greatest desire and my answered prayer. I need to remember, each day, to thank God for her, I need to be oblivious to her weaknesses and imperfections, I need to look past all the wrongs and show her the love she showed me when I was the most unlovable.

God has a plan for our special favor and as I see her grow each day I cannot help but wonder what He has in store for her life, it makes me excited and nervous all at the same time. I know her road will not always be smooth but I pray she holds tight to God along the way and I pray that she will give many others the power to stand just as she did me on that day!

God Bless,
Denissa

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