As I sit here listening to the sound of my kids playing with their presents from the first CHRISTmas in our house my mind wanders to moments from the past year.
It has been almost a year since we signed papers on our home. So much has happened in this year, not all good but not all bad. We have had so many good, godly people standing around us through those good and bad times. Sometimes the ones that you think will be there holding your arms up are the first ones out the door when your strength is gone. In that moment is when you find the unexpected ones that grab hold of you with all their might, don't ask questions, just pray, love and speak what God lays on their heart for you.
So many days I heard God whisper to my heart, asking if I was going to follow His plans or my own. So many hard decisions that were made. Decisions that did not always go the way I planned. So many moments when I did not want to follow God's plans. Those were the moments God placed people in my path to speak to the dark places of my soul that did not care what God's plan was because I wanted life to be my way.
As I sit here and think about those decisions and choices I wonder did I follow His plan at every turn? When the people around us did not like the decisions we made, was it God's plan? When it felt like we were suffering, was it God's plan? When so much anger raged inside of me, was it God's plan?
It's easy for me to see God's plan when it creates goodness and joy. But what about when it does not? Is it still God's plan?
As I look back on the choices that were made, hard, gut-wrenching choices. Choices that caused hurt to some and ourselves; choices that set our family apart from everything we have known for our entire marriage; choices that family and friends did not agree with. Choices that we questioned ourselves, choices that drew lines in the sand and choices that had to be made at any and all costs. Many of these choices determined the future of our family.
As my mind lingers over each of these I hear the soft, smooth voice of my Savior saying "my plans not yours, be still and know."