From My Heart...

 Last Sunday, December 26, 2021, the last Sunday of the year, I was sitting in church, not our usual church campus, listening to the Pastor begin his sermon. He started talking about being on the verge of a new year. My mind wandered and I thought, God you haven't given me a word yet. Then I heard Him, "Turning - the soil." I thought what?! Again I heard it, "Turning - the soil, write it down." Of course me being me I thought that can't be God but I wrote it down (just in case). Side note: My rule concerning my "word of the year" is if it really is God speaking that word over me it will show up in the things I read or in my daily activities, it will come to mind repeatedly.   I will admit I was a little thrown off by this phrase. I have been asking God to give me a word that will define 2022, one that will grow me, comfort me in times of hardship, something I can offer to others when they need encouragement from a friend. I wanted a strong word, so

In 2017 God's constant whisper to my heart was "Be Still" along with the verse Psalms 46:10.  It was not in the physical sense of the phrase, it was in the mental sense. My mind has a tendency to constantly wander. Very seldom are my thoughts ever still. As 2016 closed and 2017 began my heart was not still, nor where my thoughts. As I googled Be Still I learned that it comes from the Hebrew word raphah meaning to mend (by stitching), i.e. (figuratively) to cure:--cure, (cause to) heal, physician, repair, X thoroughly, make whole . Be Still also refers to that which is slack, to let drop or to be disheartened or weak. Some of those words are seldom in my vocabulary (especially weak)! At the beginning of this year I was in dire need of mending and healing; spiritually, mentally & even physically, but I did not want to be weak in order for that to happen. I have learned that when I am able to be weak it is then that He is able to be strong. When I could no

As I sit here listening to the sound of my kids playing with their presents from the first CHRISTmas in our house my mind wanders to moments from the past year. It has been almost a year since we signed papers on our home. So much has happened in this year, not all good but not all bad. We have had so many good, godly people standing around us through those good and bad times. Sometimes the ones that you think will be there holding your arms up are the first ones out the door when your strength is gone. In that moment is when you find the unexpected ones that grab hold of you with all their might, don't ask questions, just pray, love and speak what God lays on their heart for you. So many days I heard God whisper to my heart, asking if I was going to follow His plans or my own. So many hard decisions that were made. Decisions that did not always go the way I planned. So many moments when I did not want to follow God's plans. Those were the moments God placed people in my pa

I once was lost but now am found,  Was blind, but now I see. (Amazing Grace by John Newton) I was lost... lost in the hurt...lost in the frustration...lost in the fury...lost in my will. Day after day I wandered in a black forest, seeing nothing, just trying to feel my way through the darkness. Not all who wander are lost but I was lost. I was alone. I was afraid. I was angry. When I looked around all I could see were the broken dreams, broken promises, broken me. I needed help but I could not find it or maybe I did not want it. Maybe I could fix it on my own. How did I get here?!  What did I do wrong? When did I loose myself in this hate? Where do I go from here? I did not have any of the right answers.  I hear a voice, it is calling me. Someone is there but I cannot see them. I do not want to. I want to stay in the forest. I like the black forest. It is my protection from feeling the hurt again. Lies. Lies. Lies.  All of it is Lies. I

I know the plans that I have for you, declares  Yahweh . They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (Names of God Bible) Yahweh (YHWH):  Comes from a verb which means “to exist, be.” This, plus its usage, shows that this name stresses God as the independent and self-existent God of revelation and redemption (from Bible.org) As I sit in the still and quiet of this house my eyes drift to the  chaos of life around me, my mind wants to drift to the days past of 2015 but my heart only wants to focus on the days to come. In years past I would anticipate the new year with great expectations but I have since learned that life happens and life is hard. Life can be fabulous but it can also be dreary. Life events do not respect the newness of a new year, they happen none the less, good or bad, regardless of what the calendar reads.  One of my new year traditions, as many of you know but some do not, is to ask God for a word and ve

Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the  Lord  is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10b NLT The Lord is my joy. Not my husband. Not my children. Not myself. Not my job. Not my paycheck or my husband's. Not anything or anyone on this earth. My joy comes from my God. This was a hard realization that I had to come to within the past few weeks. I unknowingly put my joy into everything except the Lord. I would get so upset when my husband or kids made a mistake. I would get angry when life did not go my way. I was headed in a downward spiral fast  because of the fact that I was counting on people and things to provide my joy. That is impossible! Only God can provide my joy (If I choose to let him)! I remember the moment I can to this realization. My husband had done something (again). He was not filling my joy cup the way I thought he should, he was draining it and at this point it was bone dry. I was mad. He was mad. The kids were not happy. Even the dog kept her distance.