From My Heart...

On this day in 1999, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon in the small Baptist church that I grew up in I promised my love and my life to Cody Churchwell. It has been thirteen years and I can honestly say I am more in love with him and respect him more today than thirteen years ago. It has not always been fun or easy but we both make a choice daily to love and respect each other, even on the days that it is not easy to do. We met at the county stockshow in February 1997, a mutual friend introduced us. I remember seeing him earlier that day, before we were introduced, he walked right past me. Honestly, I was offended that he could walk right by me and not even notice me, I knew I looked good that day how dare he! So later when a friend, who was a boy, came up to me and said "Hey see that guy over there? He wants to meet you." I was ready to pay him back for ignoring me earlier, I agreed to let him introduce us but I wa...

I am reading Beth Moore's book So Long Insecurity and doing the workbook. I never really thought I was one who struggles very often with insecurity but let me tell you this book is showing me otherwise. I highly recommend reading this book! My son's 6th birthday is this week and I am so happy and sad at the same time; happy that God has blessed our lives with another year of his sweet, loving presence but sad that he is growing up so fast!!! As I think back over the past 6 years I can recall so much joy and laughter that Justice has brought into our family but I can also recall a season of fear and insecurity that God has so graciously brought me through. In December 2008 I found out I was pregnant with our second baby, in that same month I lost that precious baby. At the end of January 2009 I had a very strong feeling that I was once again pregnant, against strong orders from my doctor to absolutely not get pregnant again for at least...

I did not realize it has been almost 2 months since I have blogged! Oh how time flies!! The past two months have been a blur of busyness, excitement, nervousness, joy and watching God perform miracles in our lives!! We have been raising money for our Zambia trip and that means countless fundraisers on top of our everyday lives with three kids, spending time with our extended family and throw in our youth kids activities also. It has been a whirlwind of two months but we have enjoyed every busy second of it and would not trade it for any thing!!! When we were scheduling some fundraisers for the Zambia trip I really felt the Holy Spirit saying to me not to take any money from the fundraisers for my husband and I, for us to raise our own funds to go. So I told the lady that is kind of like our mission trip organizer that even though we would be at every fundraiser Cody and I would not take any money from the fundraisers for our trip, that we would raise our own funds. I did thi...

Two years ago my husband, Cody, was asked if he would start helping teach our youth on Wednesday nights and teach Sunday School on Sunday mornings. Our youth leaders at the time were moving and since he has always volunteered with the youth we agreed that he would help until the church found a new youth leader. After a few months of teaching our church trustees asked Cody if he would be the part time youth leader until they could find a full time youth leader. Once again we agreed to do this. At the time our church was going through some growing pains and we thought once we got through the storm every thing would go back to normal. I was head over the nursery department at the time also and I was very content with my job but God laid it on my heart to quit the nursery completely. He was calling me to stand beside my husband in his new position and completely devote myself to the youth. This was not what I wanted but after throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old I finally agreed to be ...

My husband, Cody, and I recently took our youth group on a week long mission trip in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. I must say I am a Texas girl, born and raised, but I LOVE that area of Oklahoma!! I even caught myself thinking, God if you decided this is where you want Cody and me then I am ready and willing! We have been home for almost 2 weeks and I still miss the trees, hills and water.  (Let me pause for a minute and remind you of my "word for the year"...CHANGE and let me also remind you I like to plan things out!) When Cody and I started looking at youth mission trips we had originally wanted to go to one that was in Texas, the same week as the Oklahoma trip. We scheduled it and put down our deposit then found out that camp was cancelled for that week and we needed to pick another camp. We decided to change the week we wanted to go but that didn't work with Cody's full time job schedule so we left the week the same. We picked this particular camp in Tahlequah becaus...

A few weeks ago my 5year old son had his tonsils and adnoids out and tubes put in his ears. The doctors told us it was a simple procedure and he would stay a few hours after, eat a popcicle and go home. This was our first time going through any kind of surgery with any of our kids, we have had nephews go through the same surgeries and they did ok so I thought there really wasn't much to worry about. The doctor came out after about 30 minutes and told us that the surgery went well and he was in recovery and we would get to see him in a little bit. Soon after we were called back to his room where he was sleeping. It wasn't long before he woke up and started throwing up, he couldn't keep anything down and all he wanted to do was sleep. What was supposed to be a six hour stay turned into a 14 hour stay. When we finally got home we thought he was over the hump and on the mend but then his fever spiked. We called the Doctor and he suggested we keep a close eye on him for the ti...

My husband and I choose to live a very simple life. In our minds we do not have a lot of worldly, material things our vehicles are not brand new and our house is very average, our kids do not have all of the latest and greatest toys, our clothes are not name brand and we are not wealthy according to the world's standards but we are happy and consider ourselves extremely blessed; we do not go to bed hungry at night and there are not holes in the floor of our house, our vehicles are nice and they get us from here to there, our kids have more toys than I would like for them to have, our closets are full of clothes and our bills always get paid. We pray and we laugh and we love unconditionally and we forgive, we give what we can when we can and sometimes even when we can't we still give. Some people look at the way we choose to live and question it. Some people wonder why I want to be a stay at home mom, why don't I go get a job and help provide for my family, why don't w...

This morning my 5 year old son got up, was almost ready to go to school and he started throwing up. So back to bed he went. Every morning before our kids leave for school we circle up, hold hands and say a prayer to start our day, so this morning we prayed in his room so that he could still be included and we also said a prayer asking for him to feel better. After my husband and daughter left I passed by my sons room and could hear him talking so I paused to see if he was calling me but before I could ask him what he needed I realized it wasn't me he was calling on, it was God! He was not asking God to make himself feel better but he was asking God to keep his best friend/cousin from getting sick because they were together yesterday at school. His prayer continued by praying that his aunt and uncle and other cousin would not get sick either because they were all around each other. As tears began to well up in my eyes (I must stop for a minute and say I had tea...

When I was reading through the book of Isaiah I got to chapter 53 and I had to stop and read it again then I looked it up in The Message translation and it was even more amazing. This was several weeks ago that I came across it but today, on Good Friday, as Easter is approaching I find myself once again turning to this passage. When the book of Isaiah was written Jesus Christ had not been sent down to earth but His coming birth and His death are foretold in this book. I want to share this chapter with you today as a reminder of what this weekend is ultimately about. Yes our families get together and celebrate and the kids have an Easter egg hunt but greater than all that is the fact that Jesus was crucified and rose again all for us, no other reason, just for you and me and just because God loves us that much!!! I don't know about you but that gives me chills!!! Thank you Father God for sending your son, Jesus, to die blamelessly for my sins! Thank you for the love and grace and ...

Everyone is busy! Everyone has someone or something pulling them one way or the other! We cannot do everything or be everywhere! This is a hard concept for many of us to understand, myself included. I want to do everything and be everywhere but it is absolutely not possible to do! In my perfect world I am always on time, I never have to say no, my house is always spotless and my laundry is always washed, folded, put up and never piled up!!! My world is not perfect, in fact it is FAR from it!! I have a tendency to let the things on my to-do list get the best of me, I start to feel guilty because my laundry isn't done or I missed someones birthday or, or, or... I get caught up in all the busyness and I forget about God! He is the one person or thing that isn't pulling me in all different directions, yes He is there watching, protecting and guiding but He is also waiting, waiting on me to recognize His presence in all of the busyness, and ironically He is t...

I ran into an old friend from school this past weekend. We talked briefly and then went on our way. This was someone that I spent lots of time with during my Jr. High and High school years. We cheered together, played basketball together, went to track meets together, passed notes in class and laughed together, a lot, I looked up to her during school and I always thought that she had her life in order. After we talked for a few minutes and then parted ways a thought popped into my head...remember when you would get the new yearbooks in and everyone would pass them around to let everyone sign it, almost everyone ended their wishes with "stay cool" or "never change". This memory got me to thinking... I started to think back to when I was in school and the kind of person I was and then I started thinking about my friends writing that to each other. Was it something we just wrote because it sounded good or was it that we really thought that per...

For the past seven weeks I have been doing Beth Moore's Bible Study about the book of James. I have done several Bible studies in the past and each of them opened my eyes to something new but this time not only were my eyes opened wide but my whole world was shaken and laid broken around me. I feel as if I have been made new again!! I do not like to sugar coat things when I am talking to others and I also do not like things sugar coated when they are spoken to me. Well James was not one to sugar coat by any means (my kind of guy) and often times I found myself looking down at my toes to make sure they were still there!! I even wondered at one point in the lessons if God had told Beth about me!? I'm telling y'all this Bible study, for me, was life changing!!! A few things that really spoke to me were CHALLENGE = CHANGE, Satan wants my faith and Keep looking for 1 small rain cloud because the rains will come!!! ...

Today marks the seven year anniversary of the day my grandmother went to meet Jesus. She was known as Mom to all of us, and she and my grandfather, Pa, left behind a beautiful legacy. On February 13, 2005 I got a call from my grandfather. He had taken my grandmother to the hospital and said that we all needed to come quickly. I called my parents and we all went. When we got there the doctors told us that her cancer was back and she might live 3 days but they really didn't expect her to make it through the night. For the next nine days I spent every day getting up early and taking my mom to the hospital and coming home late at night. During these nine days I learned some things that are very precious to me now. At some point during those nine days my grandfather told me that they would have been married for 55 years in just a few more months. I watched him love on my grandmother's almost lifeless body and realized that even after 55 years of life togethe...

I must say that I do not like to live in this region when the dirt blows!!!  I have said many times if I was on the beach or in a beach house the wind could blow all day long every day while I sit and watch the waves crashing into the shore but then I have to wonder if I did live in that environment would I wish to live somewhere else?!  Most likely I would still complain about the wind or something or someone else.  That's just how we are, right? I have been wondering the last few days if there is more to life than I wish and I want.  God did not intend for us to be unsatisfied with the blessings He gives us.  Umm, I think I just called the wind a blessing!?  But maybe in some God-given way it is.  Maybe He is preparing the parched ground for something that we do not know about and the only way to do that is to make the wind blow at 60+ mph so that it can receive what He gives.  I believe we go through circumstances so that ...

On Friday, February 12, 1999 my life was changed forever. I was a senior in High School. That night, like most Friday nights, I was with Cody. It was almost time for my curfew so I started home. We lived about 10 miles out in the country. I was almost out of town when I came upon a one car wreck. It had just happened, maybe a couple minutes before I got there. There was someone on a phone outside of the pickup, I assumed they were calling 911. There was a pickup that was sideways in an old building. Most of the pickup was covered with ruble from the building collapsing on top of it. I couldn't tell very much about the pickup because it was damaged and, like I said, covered up, but there was one very distinguishing part of the paint job on the pickup that I immediately noticed. The pickup belonged to a very close friend of mine and my brother, I'm talking brother close!! His name was Jeremy, we called him JC, he was 19. Panic set in almost immediately! I knew that my real...

I am a planner. I like to know when, what and where. I want to know what is going to happen and at what time so that I can be prepared. I am so much of a planner that when I am going to a meeting or having a confrontation with someone I plan out our conversation in my head. I know, call me crazy, but this is a fact about my personality! I went to a meeting this week with a group of women to plan something. I was not the leader, just an attendee. I had spoke with the leader of the pack prior to the meeting and she had asked me to do something, so being the planner that I am, I had my game plan ready in time for the meeting. At the meeting we are discussing and planning and throwing ideas around the table. The task I was asked to do finally came up (and I was excited because like I said I already had the WHOLE conversation planned out!) but then the conversation veered off of my path quickly. This was my reaction...WHAT??!! NO!! THAT IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED!!! The rest of...

Since Grace's birthday was a couple weekends ago I am going to dedicate this week's post to her!!! In my last post I shared a little about how she became so today I want to tell you a story about her but first I decided to google the word grace, here are a few things I came across that really hit home for me: Grace is the only thing that gives us power to stand Grace is a free gift a special favor: privilege These three statements sum up our Grace but today I am going to focus on the first statement: Grace is the only thing that gives us power to stand. In December 2005, Grace was 2 almost 3 when I had a miscarriage. Grace was my reason for living during these weeks and months that followed. When I look back now I truly believe if not for Grace I literally would have laid in bed and mourned myself to death. She was the only reason that I got out of bed in the morning. I am not trying to take anything away from Cody, he is my husband and I love him but during t...

Does anyone, besides me, ever have one of those days where you just do not like being a mom??? Please, someone agree with me!!! Sunday was one of those days for me!! My three kids could not get along at all, it was constant arguing, tattling and crying from each of them! On top of that the house was a disaster and I was beyond exhausted!! Grace's 9th birthday was the day before so we had a skating party for her. I am still amazed that we have a 9 year old!! I can still remember how excited we were to be having a baby... Cody and I got married when we were 18 and 20 years old (I am younger than him, just to clarify!). We had been married for almost a year when we babysat for one of Cody's cousins and decided that was fun and we wanted a baby of our own. I look back now and wonder what we were thinking and I thank God that His timing is perfect! I did not get pregnant until I was 22 and I turned 23 a month before Grace was born. There were times we were so discouraged that I...

I read my Bible every morning as soon as Grace and Justice (JC) leave for school. I used to open it and flip through it to different books and verses and then one day it hit me...I'm not really getting anywhere... So now I read an entire book at a time. I also check off the books I have completed on the contents page at the front. It is my goal to read every book in the Bible before I die!! :) Right now I am reading Isaiah. I'm only to Chapter 13 but already I can relate my life, especially my past, to the Judians. In chapter 1 Isaiah is preaching about religious hypocrisy... I grew up in a christian home, I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 8. I went to church with my family every Sunday morning and night and on Wednesday evenings. I knew without a doubt that God is real and that he cared for me. I knew he was there whenever I wanted him to be. As I got into high school I was a super christian when I was at church, around my parents or other "chu...